Traditionally, the mothers have had specific roles throughout the wedding planning process. But now, a lot of it is dictated by the couple's personal preference. Keep in mind, however, how excited your mothers are about this day! They want to be included in the process - if you’ll allow it. Establish early on what you want them to be and not to be involved in. Setting some boundaries from the get-go, kindly, is always your best bet!

Duties For The Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom

After getting engaged (yay!), it is proper etiquette to introduce your families if they have not already met. Some traditions state that the mother of the groom should reach out to the bride’s family to organize a get-together. However, it's a lot more common for the couple to arrange this.

1) Decide If There Will be An Engagement Party (& Plan If So!)

 It is tradition for the mother of the bride to host an engagement party after the proposal. However, some couples choose to host one themselves or request that a friend take over the responsibility. But before you start planning, consider if you even want an engagement party. Many couples decide not to have one for a multitude of reasons, so don't feel pressured! You may feel inclined to put that money towards the wedding or the honeymoon instead.

2) Discuss the Wedding Budget & Guest List

Next, sit down with both mothers and discuss the budget. Many couples today are paying for more of their weddings than in the past - it’s not the standard ‘bride’s family pays for everything’ as it used to be. While discussing your wedding budget, this is the perfect time to go over your guest list. Both of your mothers are responsible for coming up with their own list. (The couple has to approve of any guests, of course!) Have the moms provide a list of family and friends, along with their contact information, of who they'd like to invite. Help them narrow down their lists if you believe they are too extensive. A spreadsheet is always a good way to organize this information!

 

Once your RSVPs start rolling in, you may have your mother or future mother-in-law help you keep them organized. Depending on the size of your wedding, this might be a more difficult task than you predicted. You’ll definitely want to make sure you’re in contact with both of them about any RSVPs that are still missing. It will be their duty to get into contact with them and relay important information back to you.

 

6) Who Hosts the Rehearsal Dinner?

Probably the biggest mother of the groom duty and tradition to date is hosting the rehearsal dinner. While some families are choosing to host this together, it is typically up to the mother of the groom to plan. Depending on the venue and how difficult it is to secure, it may need to be planned months in advance. She should collect a guest list from the couple well in advance and get invites out approximately 4-6 weeks prior. Tradition says that it should be hosted following the rehearsal, the night before the wedding.

Day-of Wedding Duties for the Mothers of Bride & Groom

Duties on the big day? That’s also completely up to you as a couple. Maybe you want your parents to organize family photos before the ceremony or at the rehearsal dinner. Have them discuss when they would like these to take place with your photographer. One other duty you could assign to them is ensuring that the tips are all delivered to the vendors. Tack on any little tasks that you can think of which you would like removed from your plate. And that you would feel comfortable with them handling on your big day. Just be sure to discuss it with them in detail ahead of time!

Determining Their Duties - Communication is Key

 

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